I used to think I should be a coach. Friends would always come to me with problems, I would listen, and when they asked me for advice I always gave it with the best intentions.
When I became a coach I quickly learnt that this has nothing to do with being a good coach. My advice was just my opinion based on my own life experience.
As a coach, I never tell people what to do. The truth is there is only person that knows what is best for that person… Guess who?? It is always that person!!
As a coach I do teach you how to see what is going on in your mind, and how to differentiate all your thoughts from the reality of the situation. I strictly remove “I don’t know” from your vocabulary. Yes, it takes time, but trust me, making your own decisions feels a million times better than having someone make them for you.
If it works out, you still think you aren’t so capable, and give complete credit to someone outside yourself.
If it doesn’t work out, you want to blame someone else.
The truth is, once you are an adult, you are capable of making your own decisions. A coach will help you clear the noise that is going on preventing you from making a decision.
Let’s go back to blame for a minute. As a friend, I totally believe you when you tell me that you feel bad because of what someone else did or said to you. I can cry with you, I can get mad with you, I am fully immersed in your story.
As a coach, no way. I am not letting you continue to dis-empower yourself and give your emotional management away to someone else. Typically, this is the last person you want to be give your emotional management to! No one else is responsible for how you feel, I can show you how no matter what, it is always your thoughts about what they said or did.
Example: I buy a red top, my mum tells me I don’t look good in red.
I feel bad because I think “I don’t look good”
I feel loved because I think “It’s so amazing that she will be honest with me and has my back”.
What happened didn’t change, the only difference was the way I thought about it.
Thanks to socialization, we are literally taught to seek external validation, it’s time to stop. This is what a coach can help with, by showing you your thinking and thought patterns, connecting them to your current results, then working with you to reprogram your thinking.
It sounds simple, but it is hard work. We work together to literally reprogram years of social conditioning and evolutionary biology. It’s a science.
This is not what I do with friends. Friends aren’t looking for coaching, they are looking for a friend. The people I coach have decided that they want to work with a coach.
Have any questions about this? Comment below or private message me. I love helping people help themselves… only when they ask.